Written by Linda Marie Van Tassell (March 2000)
Junior High was a very difficult time for me. My body still clung to its baby fat, my mother had cut my hair really short, I wore black-rimmed glasses, and my front two teeth were missing thanks to an accident in gym. To say that I wasn't very popular would be an understatement.
The most popular kids from the more wealthy families seemed to mingle in their own "click" and if you weren't one of them, you were an outcast.
The fact that I grew up downtown and was the only white girl in my neighborhood didn't help matters much either. In fact, until my tenth grade year in high school, I was the only white girl on my school bus. It was really strange. Because I wasn't black, none of the black children wanted to have anything to do with me. They had their own little "click" going on.
Because I wasn't from a well-to-do white family, none of the white children in school wanted to have anything to do with me. Having a father whom committed suicide and then growing up in an abusive home, I became what the world would call a "loner." Yet, my life necessitated being alone. No one could know the things that were happening in my home. In fact, it was a matter of survival.
It seems so ironic in looking back that I considered school to be my "out" - my haven away from the hell of home. Yet, even at school, I was withdrawn, introverted, and inside of a shell that no one could break. I seemed to walk alone among the crowd, unnoticed, unwanted, and "unloved," as my mother would say.
The summer break in between Junior High and High School served as a reprieve - a time of preparation for high school. During that summer, as I watched the buds blossom into gardens of beautiful flowers, I hardly noticed as I, too, blossomed. We got a beautiful boxer puppy that summer, and I would run and play with her all day long.
All of that running caused me to shed all of that baby fat. I was a sleek and sexy size 7, with a 34B bustline, which was more than enough for my slender body. My hair also became very long - blonde tresses falling halfway down my back. And miracle of miracles! The glasses were tossed. That was the summer that I realized that I was quickly becoming a woman.
I suddenly took an interest in my appearance, started wearing make-up, and paid particular attention to everything that I wore. I found that no matter what I wore, I looked great. Being skinny was great. I can't tell you how many times men would break their necks trying to get a look at me. I would walk downtown every day just so I could hear the whistles, hear the praises, and see the responses.
I remember one day when one man nearly ran into a brick wall because he wasn't watching where he was driving. He turned his self around in the driver seat to look back at me. Inside, it lifted my spirits so greatly. For the first time ever, I had a sense of confidence that I had never known before.
And so, high school began - It was 1983 and break-dancing was all the rage. "Pioneers Through The Years," was the cry of the school. I remember Mr. Clark and Miss Hix doing the jitterbug at the pep rally.
Mr. Clark wore these really tight pants, with a black tank top, while Miss Hix wore a brown flowery dress that practically looked like a moo-moo. The auditorium was filled with the sounds of disco, Saturday Night Fever, the Beach Boys, and then, with the new fad - punk rock.
It was time of spirit, a time of fun, and a time of self-expression. That was also the year that I caught the eye of Tim Campbell, a senior and an officer in the Marine ROTC program, which I joined for the first time that year. I suppose I felt flattered that he noticed me; but for some reason, I also found him to be incredibly attractive.
He was a mixture of suave, sex, and roughness - a typical Marine. When he asked me out, I didn't hesitate to jump at the chance. The smile on his face when I said, "Yes," should have been an indication of what was going through his mind. I'm sure that he knew that I just felt lucky to be noticed, and so we started seeing one another.
Of course, it was kind of hush-hush. It wouldn't have looked too good, after all, for a senior to be dating a freshman. Yet, I didn't care. I just loved to look at him; and getting to spend time alone with him was like a dream come true. He was a "god" to me.
I worshipped him with my eyes, praised him with my smile, and adored him with every word. The transition from a girl to a woman is a difficult time for any female.. To have a man take you by the hand and lead you there can be such a blessing. It can also be a nightmare.
A virgin knows not the ways of man, and her naivete makes her blind. And blind I was. It was Saturday morning when I got the call. Tim asked me if I would like to go with him for a drive through the mountains. It was such a beautiful, sunny day; and of course, I jumped at the chance. When I hung up the phone, I was practically dancing around the room, from closet, to the mirror, to the bed, back to the closet, to the mirror, to the bed. I couldn't decide what to wear. I had to look perfect! I finally decided upon a red cotton mini skirt, which seemed to just float around my thighs when I walked.
I also wore a white button-down blouse with a hint of a ruffle at the cuff. My little white boots with anklets were perfect; and since Tim always liked for me to wear my hair down, I just slid a hair band through the front and let it cascade gently down my back.
The sound of his horn -I ran down the steps, out the front door, literally jumped off the front porch, and climbed up into his truck. He looked so debonair. Those blue eyes of his were to die for. That smile, and his hair! I always loved to run my fingers through his hair. Being a typical "Marine," he had a crew cut; and I just adored it.
He still had a sort of baby face, but this great rough and sexy exterior. Boy was I lucky! I was so happy. We rode with the windows down, and the wind just blew through my hair. It felt like fingers were just caressing me all over. Tim asked me to sit closer to him, so I slid over in the seat to be by his side.
He put his arm around me, and I just leaned against his chest - that brawny chest. I sighed in contentment, smiled in joy, and giggled as his hand accidentally brushed against my breast. I didn't say anything as I was so embarrassed, and he just grinned to himself. O! It was a glorious day.
The sky overhead was powder blue, with not a cloud in sight. The trees and flowers were all in bloom. Birds were chirping happily in the trees, and people were out everywhere walking and running or just strolling hand-in-hand up the avenue. We turned right onto Old Coffee Road and headed for the parkway.
The sinuous, winding and curvy roads led us into what appeared to be heaven. The sound of the river water running over the dam was like a mini-waterfall running straight into my heart. Tim parked the truck, and we got out and walked along the trail together..
He would lead and I would follow. When I needed help, he would lean to give me his hand to pull me up. At one point, when climbing the Indian Rocks, I lost my balance when he pulled me up; and I fell straight against his body. He wrapped his around me and held me right. I was so nervous that I hid my face within his chest and just pressed myself close against him so he wouldn't see the tear that found its way into the cotton of his shirt.
He gently pushed me away from him, while holding onto my arms. He looked straight into my eyes and said, "I want to kiss you so bad." Then, he took his hands and cupped my face, as he leaned down to kiss me. His lips were so soft and his kisses so gentle. I remember a small moan escaping from my mouth, and his mouth seemed to just swallow it up.
His lips covered mine; and as his kisses became more ardent, his tongue slipped between my lips in search of mine. I just melted into him completely as I felt my breath being stolen away. His fingers were in my hair, pulling me tighter against him, and I could feel something hard pressed against my leg.
I tried to pull away, but he said, "please, let me." And so, I let him continue to kiss me. I was no longer standing on my own. My knees were too weak. His kisses were like wine, and I was so drunk that I couldn't even stand. Only strength of his arms held me up. And so, I was breathless. He pulled away from me and said, "let's go."
We climbed back down the rocks and made our way back to the truck. The drive was just lovely, and we seemed to drive on and on forever. The mountains themselves seemed to give way to fields of green. There were rolling hills and old farmhouses along the way, with cows grazing lazily in the sun.
Tim kept driving until we came to an old abandoned barn of sorts, and he pulled around behind it and parked his truck.
When he saw the look of trepidation upon my face, he said, "Don't worry. I just wanted us to have some privacy. I want to be alone with you."
I didn't know what to say, and as he leaned over to kiss me, I didn't resist.
As he brushed a kiss to the side of my throat, I inhaled deeply. With a smile on his lips and a flame in his eyes, he lifted a hand to touch my face. His hand moved up to stroke my hair; and then, his fingers burrowed into the flowing tresses and raised my face more fully to his. He let his blue eyes drink from the ocean of mine.
"I want to make love to you," he said; and with a hint of savage sexuality in his eyes, his hot mouth brushed mine.
The heat of his body was like a flame, which leapt from his body to mine; and through my clothes, I could feel the fervor of his passion, like a fire. I was intimately aware of his nearness and his power over me. And, try as I might, I could not deny the erotic visions that kept rising in my mind. I shut my eyes tightly. It did no good.
After countless heated kisses and persuasive caresses, I had finally given in. I allowed him to slowly, enticingly, and bewitchingly remove my clothes, one by one. He gently commanded me to open my eyes; and I was so aroused, that I would have obeyed any command.
He made me watch as he stripped off his clothes one piece at a time. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt; and as he did so, I was mesmerized by his fingers upon the buttons. It was symbolic of how he had opened my feelings, my heart, and my soul. I was like a rose about to plucked. He then stripped off his pants, under which he wore no underwear.
When his hard cock sprang forth, I let loose a moan. I couldn't believe the size of it. I had never seen a man's penis before, and I was caught completely by surprise. I was shocked when he took one hand and wrapped his fingers around its hardness; and looking straight into my eyes as if daring me to look away, he said, "Do you want to suck it?"
I was holding my breath. I didn't know what to say.
Instead, I was like a stupid child, stammering, "I.. I.... I don't know how."
I lowered my head in shame; but looked up again when I felt the weight of his body pushing me back against the seat. With my head press against the passenger door, I was caught between his heavy body and the rough texture of the upholstery.
With his hands reaching above me to open the passenger door, his lips came crashing down upon mine. I struggled beneath him, saying, "No, please. Please, stop."
"You want me," he said. "I can see it in your eyes. It's all right. Don't worry."
I vainly tried to deny what we both knew was the truth. I squirmed, my body already afire from his skilled touch. He continued to tenderly caress me while he looked into my eyes and murmured seductive endearments to me.
Finally, he said, "Kiss me, sweetheart. Kiss me and tell me that you want me."
His hard, handsome face came closer, so close that his breath was hot upon my cheek. I lifted a hand to his thick brown hair, anxiously drew his mouth down to mine, kissed him hungrily, and murmured against his burning lips, "I do want you. I do. I can't help myself."
"I know," he said. "But first, I'm going to show you how to suck me."
With that, he lifted his body off of mine. He slowly pulling himself upwards, until his legs were over the edge of the seat and he could use his hands to hold on to the roof of the truck. He then straddled my face, telling me, "Suck it. Suck it for me, baby."
"No. No. I won't. Never." I said, shaking my head. He used one hand to pull my hair and hold my head in place while pushing his hard cock against my closed lips.
"Open your mouth," he said. "I promise you'll like it."
Although I struggled, it was in vain. I could not get away from him; and as he continued to press against my lips, I finally opened my mouth as he pushed his way inside.
"Oh yeah, baby. That's it." He said. "Oooohhh... Your mouth is so nice and warm. It feels just like a pussy."
I couldn't respond. I couldn't do anything but let him have his way with me. His slow sliding in and out of my mouth became more impassioned; and as he increased in tempo, he also increased the depth to which he plunged.
I nearly gagged when he thrust himself so deep inside of my mouth that he was in my throat. I could actually feel his cock against the back of my throat! I frantically tried to move away, but I couldn't. His hand gripped my hair even tighter.
"Don't move. Just relax. Relax." He said.
His thrusts were quick and deep. Over and over again, he fucked my face, pulling my hair ever tighter. My throat felt raw from his constant pounding; and as the tears fell from my eyes, a look of compassion came over him.
He pulled himself out of my mouth and then slowly eased his body back down upon me. With his entire body once again stretched out upon the length of mine, he softly caressed my cheek.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, sweetheart." He said. "I know you're not used to it. It's just your first time. Trust me, though. All women do it. You'll learn to like it. I promise."
With that, I watched as his lips languidly descended to mine. It was a slow burning kiss of such compelling potency, that I felt as if I were already a part of him. And still, the kiss continued.
He kissed me and touched me and murmured forbidden sexual promises that brought me to a dangerous boiling point. He moved his slim hips between my parted thighs.
He slid down and carefully positioned himself so that only the smooth tip of his hard cock was touching my slick swollen sweetness.
"Open your eyes and look at me," he said softly but firmly. My eyes fluttered open, and I looked at him. While our gazes locked, he took my hand in his, drew it down, and wrapped my trembling fingers around his erection.
His hand fell away. I gripped him and anxiously guided him into me. And I sighed with the incredible bliss of it.
Perfectly judging my readiness and need, Tim waited only seconds before beginning the deep, rhythmic thrusting that my overheated body demanded. Immediately, I felt myself being swept into a vortex of carnal pleasure.
I clung to him, experiencing a spiraling sensation of ecstasy so frightening that I screamed. The buffeting pain-pleasure was unlike anything that I had ever known. Then, a sweet explosion of heat washed over me, leaving me weak and happy and glowing. My arms wrapped around his neck, my breath coming in pants. I licked my dry lips and smiled foolishly as I felt every muscle in my sated body slacken totally.
Watching, Tim kissed my parted lips. He stayed as he was; and as my rapid heartbeat began to slow and my limp body began to come back to life, I realized that he had not yet attained release. He was still hard within me. Lost in the impenetrable blueness of his eyes, I lay very still, looking at him, not sure how to handle the situation.
Nothing like this had ever occurred before. Surprisingly, I felt myself rapidly growing excited again, lured by the heat of his eyes and the hardness of him expanding inside me. I enjoyed anew the building of sexual excitement, impulsively lifted a hand up behind his head.
He began to softly kiss my lips, my delicate shoulders, and my breasts; and soon, I was bucking up against him, fevered once more. I tossed my head back and my breathing deepened. I pressed my hips up against him.
At that moment, I looked into his eyes, spoke his name, and Tim started to spasm. His started mine, and together we came in a rush of wild delirium that left our hearts pounding, our bodies slick with perspiration.
Again he easily guided me to total satisfaction; and this time, the depth of my climax was even greater. I lay helplessly beneath him. We were both unable to move for several long minutes, the sunlight playing over our limp, moist bodies. I gave a gentle sigh of satisfaction as I watched Tim slide his body down and off of mine.
He opened the driver-side door of the truck and stood there smiling at me as he began to put his clothes back on. Just as he was zipping his jeans, he asked me, "Did you like that?"
"Yes," I said, in between a whisper and a sigh.
"Well, I want you to do one more thing for me," he said.
"What?" I asked, as I leaned up on my elbows to look at him.
"I want you to make love to my friends," he said, as he stepped away and out of sight.
"What!?!" I stammered as I began to get up.
At that moment, a friend of his, Robbie Harris, stepped into view.
He was completely naked, and I screamed in horror as I turned onto my knees to try and get out of the passenger-side door.
I screamed once again as another friend of his, Kent Yaffe, appeared on my side of the truck. Robbie, all of a sudden, pulled my legs out from under me; and I fell down against the seat.
I was surprised and shocked as I felt the head of his cock pressing against the entrance of my ass, then the head of his cock was pushed slowly and forcefully into my tight, virgin asshole.
"No!" I screamed. "Please! I'll do anything, Please. No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o."
The pain was unbelievable in its intensity. I felt him push deeper and deeper. It felt like a red-hot poker was splitting my body in half; and still, the monstrous mass inched its way into my virgin flesh.
The pain filled me so completely that I could hardly breath; and if that weren't bad enough, Kent said, "Come here, baby, and suck on this cock!" Kent pulled my head up by the hair and forced his hard cock into my mouth.
Robbie paused for a second; and with a quick, brutal thrust, his shaft was buried to the hilt. His balls slapped against the cheeks of my ass, and he took on a slow rhythm of sliding back the full length of his long cock and then rapidly thrusting forward.
I could only whimper as a flood of white pain shot up my spine and into my brain so that I saw stars. Waves of pain washed over my whole being, and seemed to freeze my heart. He kept repeating the painful slide out and the savage impaling thrust forward deep inside my ass.
I was swallowed up in a sea of pain. I was dimly aware of him saying, "Ooooohhhh! You make my dick so hard!" At the same time, Kent was thrusting in and out of my mouth.
Robbie began driving rhythmically, slowly fucking me as if he were a lover. Every thrust was agony. My body trembled and dripped with sweat as I fought to breathe and endure the pain from the slow powerful fucking that my body was receiving on both ends.
I couldn't believe the horror of it! Robbie was thrusting hard, painfully into my ass; and Kent was pumping his rock hard cock in and out of my mouth. As if they had done it a thousand times, the thrust of one dick in my mouth and one in my ass became unified -a long slow slide of cock back through my ass and almost out my mouth then a forceful slide back in.
Together they slowly picked up speed. Robbie's cock pounded into me so hard that I thought I was going to pass out from the pain.
At the same time, Kent's massive cock strangled and choked me. I could only endure it as their thrusts came at a frenzied and heated pace until, suddenly, there came a red-hot explosion as both Robbie and Kent came, pouring a flood of cum into both ends of my body.
As Robbie, pulled out of me, he slapped my ass, saying, "Nice to meet you."
Kent pulled himself out, rubbing cum across my face, and then thrust himself inside of my mouth again. After forcing himself in and out of my mouth a couple of more times, he finally pulled out, saying, "Yeah! Tim's a lucky guy."
I lay there helpless, unable to move, as the sunlight played over my naked body. Tim, then, got into the truck, making me sit up and put my clothes back on. "Don't worry," he said. "This means nothing to me. I was only amusing myself."
His cruel blue eyes locked on me as he calmly shut the door, started the ignition, and pulled off. My nerves raw, my body spent, I felt the hot tears sliding down my cheeks.
I closed my eyes hoping to shut away the nightmare, but I couldn't. I was miserable and confused. All I had ever dreamed of, longed for, hoped would happen, now fell away.
He had raped not only my body but also my mind and my soul. My heart was unhappy. I was a fool... As he pulled up in front of my house, he said to me, "I want you to have this."
He held out his hand; and as I lifted my eyes to see, I started crying in horror as I took the picture in my hands.
"You better rest while you can;" and kissing my lips he said, "I can think of better places for your lips." And so, I live with the memories of being naked in the sunlight.
